“So, who am I dressed as again?” Holly asked, second guessing why she agreed to go LARPing. While it was Halloween she felt a little too old to be dressing up. The curvy cowgirl stood on the outskirts of a small medieval looking village. There were only a few actual buildings, with many tents and booths filling in for structures of the town.
Gnash tried to answer, but Diana interjected, addressing her two playmates who were also in costumes. “You’re Agapé of Harmonia, princess of might!”
Diana was a brown-furred mole, standing two full head heights shorter than Holly. She wore thick glasses over her beady eyes. The woman was dressed in an eggshell white robe with sun icons stitched on the chest. Without prompting she continued. “Based on the 1973 comic series of the same name. Of course, you're dressed in her ‘regal’ attire for when she returns to Harmonia.”
Holly looked down at what she was currently wearing. The cowgirl felt particularly exposed wearing a Greek style toga that was definitely meant for someone much shorter, as the dress part of her outfit left the bottom of her shapely rump exposed. Her bust did not fare much better, as her sideboobs bulged out of the thin sheer white fabric that failed to contain her ample curves. The only reason she did not leave immediately is because she saw several other females equally as skimpily dressed as her. Holly wondered if the writer for Agapé was a particularly horny male.
“Thank you for getting Holly to come along. She makes for such a perfect Agapé!” Diana said as she fished in her pouch for a headband with small red horns attached. “With me, Lilith the musical, bard of the seventh circle!” She flourished this by strumming a chord on a lute.
“And with Ragna the Red we will be all ready to re-enact the battle of Broken Bulge.”
She motioned to her raccoon friend Gnash, who was costumed as Ragna, clad in what could best be described as a scale mail bikini. Her hands and feet were covered in dark brown boots and gloves. Underneath she had a gray spandex sports bra and shorts. To complete the look she had on a long haired wig of red hair. The image was somewhat ruined as Gnash still chose to keep on her sunglasses.
“First time I'm wearing these.” Gnash said as she snapped the waistband of her shorts. “This is the only set I had that was not neon colored.”
“I can imagine.” While Holly still felt a little miffed that the raccoon got to wear the modesty spandex she had to admit that the get up looked cute on her. She had to further reflect that she felt rather odd dating a pair of siblings each at the same time, taking turns between going out with the male and female of the siblings. Thinking about it did make her feel rather dirty, but still she had to admit that having both practically fighting for her did make her feel very wanted. The princess cosplayer turned to Diana.
“I'm new to this LARPing thing, so you may need to hold my hand a little.”
Diana had to adjust her glasses before responding. “No problem, I'm always happy to give some exposition, heh. For starters it is more or less like a renaissance fair. We can mingle, show off costumes, and probably buy some merch. There’s also gaming instances where players re-enact the events of the Broken Bulge comic saga. At sundown we will all get together and participate in a big war recreation, it's a blast!”
Gnash slid to Holly’s side, holding one hand out. “If you need someone else to hold your hand, the fearless warrior Reggie the Red is here for you.”
Holly chuckled before accepting the offer. “I thought your name was Ragna.”
“You tell me! This sorta thing is more my brother’s style. I prefer some lasers and robots.” The raccoon tilted her head, thinking to herself that the list would also include sexy space cops.
Diana strummed her lute to practice the notes. “I'm a little surprised your brother isn't here. But he did say he had some sort of work gig to do.”
—---
Thrash was out of breath as he ran to the manager. He was already late to his job and sprinted as fast as he was able to make up lost time.
“Where have you been?” The graying bear asked with a bit of annoyance. He was a little surprised to find someone so eager to fill the role of NPC in this particular event, but far be it from him to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“Sorry, boss. Spend the last of my money to get this sick getup.” The raccoon gestured to himself, to show off faux leather looking armor with a green morphsuit underneath. The raccoon's voice was somewhat muffled by the latex halloween mask he had on.
The bear was amused by his commitment. Usually the people who like to dress up creatures without fur or scale had their own event. Skinnies, he thought they were called. Him and Thrash knew each other well enough, as the raccoon would come to his hobby store often enough to purchase comics. “Looks like you got all the proper gear then. You’ll be manning the dunk tank first. Just act mean and sell it when you get dunked or hit with the ball.”
“Hit?”
“Yeah, but it won't really hurt cause you're protected, and we will change your set if need be. You read the pamphlet for this event, right?”
“Oh, yeah, totally.” Thrash lied as he instinctively extended his pinky and thumb. While he had gotten his hands on such text he only skimmed through, getting distracted by the images of babes in cosplay. The only parts he fully read were the fact that this event took place on an old crossroads where criminals were hanged in pioneer days. Truth be told the raccoon had two motives to agree to play a non player character in. First, he needed the money. Collectors' full color reprint of Morn the Runt did not come cheap. Secondly he knew that Gnash was taking Holy here as a date and he was itching for a little payback for her messing up his previous date at Reaction Park.
“Trust me I know that pamphlet cover to cover, got this one hundred percent.”
The bear adjusted his blacksmith’s smock. He would be playing the role of town smithy, perfect to sell some cosplay weapons and accessories. Thrash’s eyes did notice the bulge that swelled the bear’s crotch. Suddenly the raccoon felt inadequate.
“You'll be at the dunk tank for a few hours, then you'll be needed in the PVP area. Let's get you started.”
Thrash followed along, happy to see all the costumes and fantasy memorabilia around him. He had always loved sword and sorcery, particularly if it had a bodacious babe or hunky hero on the cover of the book or comic. He never understood why Gnash liked all that science fiction stuff, robots and lasers were lame. While he was used to hunks on covers of his media, he did notice that every male in this event was packing something serious in their trousers, with noticeable bulges in each of them. The raccoon did his best to adjust his own pants to best make his own junk look as bulging as possible.
Thrash was directed to the dunk tank, where he was latched into a repurposed parachute harness and suspended above a tub of water. The harness was snug, and the combination of the straps across his lower waist and hugging his inner thighs caused the unfortunate effect of outlining his junk and forcing it outward in his trousers. His arms were pushed up at the armpits, making it impossible for him to lower them. Before he was lifted above the water he had a dented bucket helmet with eye holes cut out put over his head, for protection.
“See you in a couple hours.” The bear stated as he walked off to man his merch store. “Don't forget to sell the act.”
A female wolf in cleric robes stood in front of a desk before the dunk tank.
“Come one, come all! We have a condemned criminal sentenced to public humiliation. Do your civic duty and punish him as you see fit! One dollar for two tennis balls, Two for two rubber balls. Give him a final punishment and win a prize!”
Thrash hung suspended for some time. There was a bullseye next to him and out of curiosity he hit it with his fist. This had the predictable result of dropping him into the water below. He tried to land on his feet, but the bottom was slippery and he slipped and landed on his butt.
The cleric looked on in surprise, wondering how dumb this guy was before she activated the winch to lift him back up. “Don’t… Don’t hit the bullseye yourself.”
Soon enough a pair of players showed up, giving over a dollar to share a pair of tennis balls. Both threw hard but missed the bullseye. The cleric cheered them on, encouraging them to try again.
“You know, there is another target you guys can aim at.”
—---
“So I'm supposed to hit 'em in the crotch?” Holly asked incredulously.
“You can hit them anywhere besides the head. The groin is just an easy denotation for when someone is defeated.” Diana explained. She kept going. “Every guy here has on a protective cup, complete with a pair of fake testicles held in by their pants. When you pop those orbs, they release a cloud of red dust. Easy to wash out, mind you.”
Holly had to admit to herself that she was starting to warm up to the idea of LARPing.
“The PVP zone will open up in a little while, so you can vanquish some baddies later. I’ll be sure to buff your stats with a serenade when you guys do fight. And don't worry, there will be some NPCs there for you to practice a bit before you fight for real.”
Holly nodded, understanding most of what was said.
“You'll get the hang of it.” Gnash said, giving Holly a pat on the back. “Diaina took me to a few of these before with Thrash. But last time it was sci-fi themed. Got to use a badass laser sword there.”
“I never took you as someone who'd do events like these.”
“Nothing is more radical than outdoor activity and self expression!”
Holly was surprised by this answer. The genuine support was heartwarming to see. Much like her brother Gnash had much love and appreciation for everyone. It made her feel at ease.
Gnash continued. “Besides, there’s plenty of hunks and babes at those events.”
Holly felt a bit of disappointment. “And what'd you consider a ‘hunk and babe’?”
“Anyone being radical to each other.”
“You're too much.” Holly said as she shook her head with a smile.
A high-strung voice cried out in the distance. “Please hit the actual target!”
The three women turned their heads to the source, their eyes settling on the dunk tank. A man dressed in an odd green get up hung above a tub of water, holding his legs together in pain.
A woman in plate mail smiled. “ Oh I am hitting the actual target, now move your legs.”
Thrash gritted his teeth and reluctantly spread his thighs.
The cleric looked at him. “Oh, so sad. No red. You’re welcome to try again.”
Diana clapped her hands excitedly. “Oh the criminal punishment. The worst of the worst being put to the mercy of the public to atone for their crimes.”
“Seems a little harsh.” Gnash said, her brow furrowing.
“They are just actors and they have protection so it's all good.” The bard said with an awkward strum of her lute.
The trio approached the stand, Gnash producing four dollars from her sports bra. “Four rubbers please.” She said with a cheesy grin, the word ‘rubbers’ being enough to make her giggle.
The cleric obliged, placing four rubber balls onto the table for the group to throw as they pleased.
“You first, Gnash. Let me see your sports skills.” Holly said.
The raccoon did so, taking no small effort to show off her proper baseball pitching form. She had been playing most every sport since childhood. She whipped the ball through the air and it narrowly missed the bullseye.
“Oh, so close.” The cleric jeered. “If you cause some red to form in his pants you do get a special prize.”
Gnash couldn't pass up the opportunity to hand off the prize to her date, so she was filled with a newfound zeal. Redoubling her focus she gripped the second ball. She took aim at the bulge in the orc’s pants and threw. This time her aim was dead on, it bouncing off and making the male squirm.
Thrash did not want his sister, his possible girlfriend, and best friend to see him in an embarrassing position like this and did all he could to muffle any screams of pain. He bit his tongue and managed to only let out a slight whimper .
“True aim, but not having the power.” The wolf girl stated dryly. She thought to herself that the fake balls this orc was wearing seemed oddly resilient, but this was a carnival game so being rigged was part of the charm. Holly picked up the next ball.
“Let me try. I have not thrown a ball since highschool softball, but this will be fun.” She reeled her arm back, but was stopped dead when Diana interrupted her.
“Wait, let me cast a buff on you. It'll help your aim and strength.”
“Excuse me?”
“I'm a bard, it's my job to put some power ups on my party.”
Holly shrugged and let the bard work her magic. She plucked at her instrument and gave a little diddy.
“Rubber ball, cut through the air like a shank,
Make this criminal only fire blanks!”
Holly chuckled, amused by the silly rhyme. But as she took aim again she felt an odd surge of strength. She gripped the ball tightly, making the rubber creak as power rushed into her arms. Memories of her time playing soft ball came clearly into her mind. She lifted one leg up, moving like a real professional pitcher. Thrash, despite the pain in his loins, couldn't help but gawk at the sight of the cowgirl’s muscular thigh in this position. Before he could see much more she brought the leg down, and fired the ball like a cannon. With pinpoint precision it sped forward and produced a loud cracking sound as it collided with his groin.
The male raccoon forgot all ideas of hiding his identity as pain shot through his body, crashing waves of agony through his balls and up through his gut. Thankfully the newly formed falsetto of his voice masked his own voice well enough. He threw his head back and let out a high pitch scream as he wiggled in his harness. He tried in vain to lower his arms to cradle his agonized balls, but the straps kept them away. He moved on to muted sobs as he did his best to curl his legs up to protect himself from any more pain.
Holly looked at her hand, surprised by her power and accuracy. “Didn't think I could throw that hard.”
“Damn, girl!” The cleric said. “I don't see any red, but you get the prize anyway. Can't imagine him walking straight after that.” She reached under the counter and placed a plastic gold painted coin on it.
“What's this?” The cowgirl asked as she picked it up.
“It's a gold piece, of course. You can use it at any shop for a two dollar discount on an item.”
“So we spent four dollars for a two dollar discount?” She asked incredulously.
“And the satisfaction of delivering justice to the condemned.” The wolf girl stated as she made an odd hand gesture, which Holly assumed was from some fantasy religion.
Dianna eagerly grabbed the last ball. “Oh, me next!”
She tossed the ball and it arched slowly through the air before bouncing harmlessly off the male’s helmet.
“Nice shot, dudette!” Gnash said with an approving thumbs up.
Thrash stay suspended and squirming in agony.
“Looks like our condemned may need a breather, the dunk tank will be closed for a bit.” The cleric thought that this actor was really committing to the bit. She decided to show a little divine mercy and leaned over to push the bullseye, allowing the criminal to cool his aching balls in the tank.
—---
The day continued, the sun having reached the apex of its journey across the sky. The girls had hit several events, such as ax throwing or watching a jousting tournament. The group visited an armory, looking through to find a variety of prop weapons made of foam rubber and fiberglass core. Diana already had a weapon, as she frequents these events. Holly and Gnash decided upon getting themselves some simple swords, as they wanted to fight a few battles. They noted a group of people dressed as druids playing by a series of vegetal archways, formed by bending and braiding tree switches to pass over a walkway. Some were artificial, constructed of wood cuttings with vines growing on them. Holly was impressed by the scope of the event and while Gnash would have preferred if some space aliens were tossed into the mix, she was more than happy with where she was at. Diana was very happy play her character, strumming her lute and giving a poem now and again.
The group was gathered at the PVP arena with new foam weapons in hand, the area consisting of a clearing in the woods. There was a beaten dirt path that forked through the center, leading to where used to be two neighboring towns.
Agapé scratched at her chin, trying to remember information. “Isn't this spot a little infamous?” Her current attire was augmented by kneepads and padded gloves.
Lilith plucked at her instrument, accompanying her dialog with a few notes as she spoke in a sing-song tone. “Yes, it was many a moon ago when the Night King, Oro, did unleash his wickedness across the lands. We brave band of vixens stand ready to repel his evil taint.”
Holly then remembered that if she wanted to break character she had to hold up one fist. She did so, repeating her question.
The bard raised her fist as well, eager to tell a tale. “There is so much history here. Many people made an important decision on where to go for the rest of their lives. And this is where old executions took place. Tradition had the condemned forced to watch the sun set before their lives ended. It was believed that killing them at twilight made their spirits be trapped in limbo rather than finding rest.”
“That seems rather morbid.” Holly stated.
Gnash pounded a fist into her hand. “And think how many bad guys are about to become history!”
The cowgirl turned to face the raccoon. “Did you hear all of what she said?”
The woman dressed as Ragna the Red shrugged. “I try to listen, but she yaps a lot. I kinda zoned out near the tail end of the speech, what was it about?”
“Well, I think she was talking about-”
“Oh look, they are giving a safety briefing!” Holly cut in to stop a repeat of a long story. She pointed to the bear dressed in blacksmith attire. He clapped his hands to make sure everyone directed their attention to him.
“All right, players, listen up. I know you're all excited for some duels but we have some rules to go over first. Firstly only hit each other with enough force to make contact. No going for the head or neck…”
While Holly had her attention on the presentation, she spared a glance to Gnash. The raccoon was too busy whooshing her sword around and making laser beam noises with her mouth.
The man kept talking to the gathered larping heroes. “Quote unquote unarmed strikes are allowed, but only if you are hitting with padding, like knee guards.” He continued, indicating where the infirmary is located, trying to keep things concise but going over everything he would need.
“And don't forget.” He concluded. “We offer a ‘low level’ enemy for new heroes to test their mettle on. Those who survive their duels are welcome to participate in the great battle of Broken Bulge starting at sundown. All right then, have at it.”
Gnash had placed her sword between her legs and was making thrusting motions while giggling to herself.
“That doesn't look like proper swordsmanship.” Holly gently scolded, trying not to betray her own immature amusement.
“And what would a woman know about swordsmanship?” A particularly irksome voice resounded through the tumult of combat already starting. Holly turned to see that very portly weasel was garbed in a gambeson, a padded middle sages jacket.
Diana rubbed her temples, already feeling irritated. “Not this guy again.”
Holly was just about to ask, when she was interrupted by the man. “I am Dolton, perhaps you heard of my best selling book on my Youtube channel. Perhaps you’ve heard of ‘Light of the Conciliator?’”
The trio of women stared blankly. Dolton tried to continue. “Yes, well, like I was saying this event is hardly historically accurate. Firstly women cannot be soldiers for multiple reasons, second your outfits offer no real protection and as such an insult to history, third…”
The cowgirl gave a scowl. “Who the fuck asked, get lost.”
Dolton scoffed, his air of superiority not wavering. “Please, I wrote a book and have countless fans online, I know what I am talking about.”
Breaking character Diana muttered to her companions. “I thought this guy was banned. He shows up to these events, bitches and moans at everyone, and tries to pawn off his book. He is such a damn pain.”
Gnash turned to Holly. “This guy sounds like a real...” She completed her points by running her hand along the sword she still had between her legs.
Holly was tempted to tell him to fuck off again, but had a better idea. “Say, how about we have a little duel?”
“Gladly, but just so you know I have four hundred and twenty seven conquests.” The weasel stated, drawing his replica sword.
Holly reached to Gnash, snagging the weapon between her legs and holding it proper. Gnash let out a sharp yipe , but offered no other protest. The cowgirl gave the weapon a few practice swings. While it was a fiberglass rod covered in foam, it still had heft and would definitely hurt a lot if used with enough force. While Holly had no sword fighting experience, she knew her years as a boxer would let her overcome this chubby braggart. Diannia offered to be the referee, keeping track of each fighter's hit points. It was agreed that each would have three total, so three hits means you are defeated and would be subject to an execution..
Dolton started, charging and awkwardly swinging his weapon at Holly. She easily dodged each swing, the weasel’s movements practically being in slow motion compared to the boxers she had to fight in her career. She found an opening and gingerly swung her sword and hit the male’s shoulder. “Boop.”
“Dolten at two hit points left.” Diannia announced.
The weasel got annoyed and redoubled his efforts. Holly was able to steal away his next hit point with ease. It was clear to see that Dolton was getting frustrated, the image of his Mary Sue persona being shattered. In a final gambit he made an almost feral lunge , only to get tripped up by the cowgirl. He fell to his hands and knees, and before he could get up Holly placed her foam sword between his legs. She gave a slicing motion to his crotch.
“Dolten is dead!” Diannia cheered. “And unmanned.”
Holly gave a cheer, proud of her victory and shutting up the man. Still, years of sportsmanship took over and she walked over to offer a hand to help the man up. Dolten could only sneer as he grasped his own replica sword in his hand and swung it full force at the cowgirl and hit her across the chest. Holly yelled in pain, holding her sore breasts in reaction. Even if the sword was not sharpened metal, the dense foam material did sting.
The weasel shrugged. “I thought the match was still going, I must have counted my HP wrong.”
Holly channeled her inner Agapé and made a swift motion to the man, grasping his shoulders firmly. Without even sparing a word she channeled some Amazon fury and drove her knee with all her strength directly into his crotch. She had knee pads on and he had a cup on. Holly didn't care, feeling anger from blatant cheating and a strike on her breasts she pushed harder, and a cracking was heard as the man’s cup shattered and she pushed on to his balls. Dolten howled in pain, falling to the ground and clutching himself.
“Now the match is over.” Holly spat.
Dolton could not respond, his pain being too all consuming.
A low voice rang out. “Dolton, you creep! I told you that you are not welcome here.” The blacksmith walked over, ignoring any pain the weasley was in and grabbed his foot, dragging him off.
“I wish I recorded that! That guy is such a douche.” Diania cheered. “I must immortalize this in sonnet!”
Holly moved her hand to her chest, trying to rub away the pain. “That's fine. Hey, what did he mean about the conquest thing?”
Diana grimaced. “I will tell you later, I don't want to bring the mood down. Let's try to get back in character now that he is gone.”
The raccoon walked in. “Hey babe, if your ta-tas are hurting then maybe I can do a little healing magic on them.” She said, wiggling her fingers in anticipation.
“A miracle then, Ragna has gained healing magics suddenly! Nah, I say. Tis must be a jest.” The mole woman sang while strumming.
“A fine joke indeed, brave warrior.” Holly teased, playing her role. “Perhaps if you were a healer I would accept your aid. I was just about to let you try to work your magic too.”
Gnash slumped over and even through her sunglasses she gave Diana an evil glare. “Thanks a ton.”
“Happy to help!” She responded cheerfully.
The group mingled around, enjoying watching sparring fights, and one very enthusiastic wizard chucking around blue streamers and shouting ‘lighting bolt!’
They made their way to the low level area, seeing a female combatant fighting the orc. She had on a very cheap knights outfit, obviously bought from a Halloween store. The orc moves were deliberately slow, allowing his attacks to be blocked and leaving himself open to counter hits. He was quickly bested and pretended to fall over dead.
“Yay! Now that I have bested you I will execute you!”
The orc groaned, dragging himself to his feet. “Not too hard, ‘kay?”
“You're the defeated prisoner so…” She shot her leg between the orc’s, eliciting a yipe of pain as he grabbed his crotch.”
“Dang, I missed and mostly hit his butt! I couldn't even break his balls.” She pouted.
Holly looked to her warrior companion. “A trifling foe. I am weary from my recent battle. Ragna, take up the fight in my place and kill a goblin.”
“I think it's an orc. Ugh, looks like the kinda thing my brother would go crazy for.” Gnash smiled, leaning to the cow girl. “He loves to read all about orc girls in his room at night.”
Holly was somewhat surprised that either of the twins could read at all, but she kept that to herself. “In character, dear.”
Gnash gave a cheesy smile. “If the princess wants me to thrash an orc, then an orc shall be thrashed.” She retrieved her sword, pointing at the orc who managed to recover best he could. “Have at thee, dude!”
Thash panted under his mask, the scent of latex and sweat filling his nose. When he saw his newest challenger his heart skipped a beat. He looked and saw his sister, as well as Holly and the nerd friend whose name he forgot. Then an idea hit him. While he was instructed to not try at all in the fights and always let his opponent win he would fight very hard and make Gnash look bad. Losing a fight to a low level guy like him would make her look pathetic. He smiled, if only for his own benefit as the mask covered up all his features. He picked up his eva foam hand ax and motioned for the fight to start.
Gnash gave a few swings, but each was dodged or blocked by the orc with ease. Onlookers were taken aback by this, seeing how the orc usually played dead at this point. Thrash gave a swipe, nearling hitting his sister. The blacksmith had returned, and was about to admonish his temp for fighting too hard, an unknown force compelled them to stand back. As the two continued to duel a strange ambiance took over the crowd, compelling everyone to watch but not intervene. Where once Gnash had a cheerful expression she now wore a fierce snarl, like that of a bloodthirsty warrior. Her scarlet wig sneed to fit more naturally to her head and even her costume seemed to grow more realistic. The orc seemed to grow more savage. Those in attendance could even see the latex mask emote oddly, now giving snarls and roars. Ragna charged, swinging her sword down with tremendous force. Last moment it was caught by the orc’s ax. The two warriors were deadlocked, pushing each other's weapons forwards as hard as they could in an attempt to overpower the other. Ragna shot her knee up, hitting the male where he was most vulnerable. He groaned in pain and with his strength stolen he fell backwards. The woman pressed her advantage, falling atop him and bringing her swords killing edge down at him.
The greenskin shot his arms out, catching the woman’s as he tried to desperately push away the blade that inched closer and closer to his face. In desperation he shot his own knee upward, returning the strike the woman had delivered. Even if this was one of the only parts of her body that had armor, the chainmail bikini offered little protection. Ragna faltered and her slash was diverted to the dirt beside the orc’s head. Using this moment the male squirmed free, picking up his ax with one hand and cupping his crotch with the other. The adventurer did the same, keeping her weapon pointed at the orc while she got to her feet.
The two stared each other down, both warriors breaking heavily from an exhausting fight. The orc broke the silence, shouting a guttural battle cry of “WAAAAAGH” as he hefted is ax high and charged forward. Ragna gave her own war cry as she charged the orc. The two met with weapons swinging in deadly arcs. They continued past each other, the orc dropping his weapon as his each remaining step grew more unsteady than the last. He fell to one knee, then unceremoniously to the floor.
Ragna turned, her sword raised high as she shouted her victory. The crowd joined her, everyone lost in the moment. The excitement died down, and Gnash shook her head. “What happened?”
Holly ran up, picking up the smaller woman and almost crushing her in a bear hug. “That fight was awesome, did you two choreography that beforehand?”
Gnash was still confused, but the cowgirl's breasts pushing against her dispelled any negative feelings. All she could remember was getting a little frustrated at the orc guy fighting way too hard then she got more furious and everything went white. When she came back everybody was cheering.
Thrash gasped deeply, as though awoken from death itself. He coughed and gasped on the floor. He got to his hands and knees, then quickly had his face fall to the ground as he shot his hands to his sore balls. It was not the first time he had woken up like this, he just wished he knew why it happened at this specific time.
Diana walked in. “You get to execute the defeated orc.”
—----------
The sun began to set, bathing the field in a twilight glow. The blacksmith once more took center stage. He stood between two groups of nerds, divided between male and female. Holly stood near the back rows, feeling like she had already gotten her fill of LARP combat already. She looked over and found people were going all out with some of their costumes. She had to squint to see over to the male side to witness a few men wearing dragon or troll outfits. While it was obvious to see they were fake, she had to appreciate that they committed to trying to fight in somethat that made them appear a few feet taller and must be hot as hell to wear. She could also see the druids from before still hanging around the archways, but on closer inspection they seemed to be smoking something.
“We will now be re-enacting the Battle of Broken Bulge.” The bear shouted, standing between the two armies. “Same rules for the PVP area. Dont swing too hard and when you ‘die’ raise your hands up while holding your weapon by the blade, or cross your wrists for spellcasters and walk off the battlefield. Keep it safe and have fun.”
At that the two sides charged at each other, when they met in the middle they both slowed down so as not to actually run into one another. The people in the bigger costumes were understably awkward in their movements but their opponents didn't go too hard on them. Holly decided to stay back, mostly enjoying the show. As the sun finally fell halfway over the horizon she noticed the arcways began to glow. She thought it was weird to put lights in something off to the side of the battle, but didn't mind it. Maybe the stoner druids did it, she thought.
The lights grew brighter, to become almost blinding as each archway started to ripple with a solid sheet of dazzling energyImmediately the idea of portals from a fantasy novel came to her mind. Disregarding the battle she went to investigate these lights. She approached the druids, all of whom were staring dumbly at the display.
A low rumbling was heard and a grisly hand reached through, grasping at the air blindly. Soon more of the body was revealed as a monster stepped through. Even with a noticeable slouch it stood head and shoulders above Holly. Its body was covered in wrinkled and leathery skin. It had two large tusks coming out of its cheeks and only one functioning eye, the other covered in ugly burned scar tissue. The monster wore a rugged loincloth made out of haphazardly stitched animal hide. Holly was left speechless as she watched the creature look down upon the druids. It picked one up as if the fully grown adult weighed nothing. It opened its mouth wide, bringing the now screaming stoner closer to its gaping maw. It only stopped when a rock bounced off the side of its head. With a snarl it dropped its intended meal and turned to face its attacker. Its arms swung in a fury, the monster smashed the side of the archway and caused the portal to fade away.
When its one eye met Holly it stopped rolling madly. Then its mouth twisted into a large grin. The amazon felt a chill run through her spine at this and she instinctively took up a boxing fighting stance. It reached one hand out to grab at her, its tongue hanging dumbly out of its mouth. Holly’s mind was racing. She could smell the stench of rotten meat in its breath, see the muscles in its arm flex as it moved. This was no costume, somehow a real monster was in front of her. She dashed backwards, avoiding the creature’s grasp. It looked at its hand for a moment, confused.
“Gnash! Diana!” Holly screamed. The pretend bard and warrior ran to the woman’s cry, ditching their previous battle.
“Bitchin costume!” Gnash exclaimed, still wearing her shades despite the dimming light.
“It's not a costume, this thing is real!” Holly shouted, turning her attention to the monster as it finally understood its prize eluded it. “It walked out of one of the glowing portals.”
“It walked through one? Like magic? Magic is real?” The bard asked, her voice growing in excitement with every word.
Holly tensed up, narrowly ducking another grab. “Be less amazed and help me here! How do we get rid of this thing?”
Diana knew that without some fire based magic trolls are notoriously hard to kill. This one looked like it had been lifted from the pages of Morn the Runt series. Then she looked at the remaining archways, seeing each one was framing a glowing swirl of lights. “If we can get it into the portal it came from, we could send it back.”
“It smashed that one” Holly yelled, throwing a couple jabs harmlessly on the troll's stomach.
“Gnash and I will find one it can go into. One that doesn't have any people on the other side. Can you hold it off for a while?”
The amazon looked at her opponent. “I fought uglier. Just hurry up.”
With that the two women ran to the scattered portals to look for a suitable one. Holly was left facing the troll. She briefly thought about running away, but the monster could have followed her into the LARP battleground, and who knows how much damage this thing could do there. She knew she had to hold it off here as best she could. Thankfully the monster was uncoordinated and slow, but she feared that one hit from something of that size would be big trouble for her. She tried to think of some way to hurt this thing, when she looked at his crotch. She hadn't read any fantasy books since middle school, so she did not know if trolls had nards. Still, she took a chance, stepping into the monster’s guard and hunching low. She put all her strength into delivering a straight right to its groin. Her knuckles felt the fur of its loincloth and pushed onward until it met a softer target. Holly was happy to see that it indeed had balls.
Gnash and Holly ran to the portals, casually sticking their heads into the streams of light.
“This one is full of robots and aliens.” Gnash yelled.
“No good, look for an empty forest or something.”
“Can do!” The raccoon yelled as she saluted with a cheer. She didn't fully understand the situation, thinking this was one of those fancy VR setups she heard about.
Holly could feel the troll’s furious yell as it screamed in pain. She had succeeded in hurting it, but also making it mad. She had been in more than enough fights to know that an angry opponent makes more mistakes. The troll swung its arms more wildly , no longer trying to simply grab at her, but to smash her. Holly kept dodging as best she could, but all this josling about was starting to take its toll on her and she started to sweat. The monster raised both fists up high to send them crashing down to the ground with thundering force. It hunched down on its elbows and knees, trying to look for the woman he was sure he had just crushed.
Holly had sidestepped the monster and circled around it. She grimaced, seeing that it didn't have a loincloth covering its rear. She could see the back of its sack clearly and it hung like a speedbag between its legs. She decided to treat it as such. The cow girl stepped in, quickly punching the monster where it was most vulnerable again and again. She shifted her body weight side to side, adding more momentum to each strike. It had been a while since she had been in a boxing match, but her muscle memory kicked in. The troll screamed in pain, unsure how to protect itself. It flung itself over to the side, curling up into a ball to guard its balls.
“Hey, this one opens on a forest!” Gnash yelled out while waving. She stood next to a portal formed by two trees leaning together. “How do we get him in there?”
Diana saw the sun was almost and the portal light began to dim as well. She had to think fast. “Trolls are huge perverts!”
Gnash knew what she had to do. She slipped two fingers in her mouth and let out an ear piercing whistle. Even in its pain the troll turned its head to see her.
“Come on, big boy!” She yelled out as she placed her hands under her sports bra and lifted it up, revealing her breasts. She shimmied her torso to let them bounce.
The monster’s one good eye widened as its pain was forgotten as it forced itself upright. With a lecherous grin it dashed forward with hand grasping at the air. Gnash waited until the last moment then dove out of the way. The troll tried to stop its forward momentum, but only tripped under its feet as it fell partly into the portal with its bottom half still in this world. Gnash ran behind it. “I deserve a victory kick for that!” She shouted as she swung her booted foot upward, hitting the beast in one of its testicles. Even though the portal she could hear it moan in pain as it crawled its way through to escape the pain. No sooner had its feet made it though did the portal shimmer and vanish away into nothing.
Gnash adjusted her breasts to fit back in her bra. “These LARP things are wild, dudes.”
Diaina ran up to the raccoon girl, short of breath from excitement. “I don't know how this happened! Maybe all the people dressing up and pretending, or this location, or it being twilight. Maybe all of it? I saw whole other worlds. And that troll was exactly like one from the later issues of Morn the Runt! It had one eye burned out and everything.”
“I need a moment to process what just happened.” Holly stated dryly. She brought her hands to har face and grimaced. “My fists smell like sweaty nuts, I gotta find a bathroom.”
Gnash shot her hands to her head, stuck with a sudden realization. “Wait! Did you say that troll was from my brother’s dumb orc comics?”
Diana was confused but nodded.
“That portal with the aliens looked like Lexie: Space Cop! I could have seen Lexie?” She shouted, voice full of despair. The raccoon turned to where that portal had been, diving through the empty archway to fall to her knees and grasp blades of grass in desperation . “My husbando!”
Diana just slumped on her butt to sit and think. She would need to do some research into this.
